SoS Note – I apologize for not having a new post the past few weeks. Yesterday I had my internet turned on in my new place and before that, since I’ve moved, I had only been able to use the internet through my blackberry and my parents surprisingly terrible internet connection. I will not bore the blog with any moving stories, but rest assured that I am all moved in to my condo and I plan to resume updating Summer of Scott regularly. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
The Jewish holiday of Passover began Wednesday night, and as any Jew will tell you, that means that the Passover Constipation started Thursday morning. Passover, for all the gentiles (goy’s, if you will) reading this who do not know what passover is, is an eight day holiday celebrating the Jews being released from slavery in Eygpt by the evil Pharoh thousands of years ago. The story goes that the Jews, after being released, were baking bread to eat on their long walk from Eygpt to Jerusalem but during this time, the Pharoh changed his mind and so the Jews had to leave ahead of schedule, leaving their bread to not have enough time to rise. This unlevened bread became known as Matzah and is the main food that Jews eat during Passover (we are not allowed to eat anything with wheat, corn, flour and some other things that I can’t think of off of the top of my head). As you might expect, having a diet largely made up of glorified crackers with no fiber for eight days has its consequences, and I would like to discuss this a little bit on my public forum.
Funny because it's true
Now don’t get me wrong, I actually really enjoy eating Matzah. A couple of pieces of Matzah in the morning, topped with strawberry jelly and cream cheese is quite delicious and surprisingly filling. Even Matzah pizza is fun to make and nice to taste. Add that to the Matzah ball soup, Gefelta Fish and, of course, the “Bitter Herbs” (otherwise known as Gold’s Horseradish) makes passover a great holiday in an eating sense. It’s just that sometime the immediate pleasure isn’t worth the painful consequences (also see the encyclopedia entry for Apple, Washington Red).
Decisions, Decisions
For those that are wondering, I’m only slightly backed up right now. Some years it can be really bad, but for whatever reason, I’m not having too bad of a time this year (and for those wondering why I am writing about this and don’t want to know, I apologize. For those that enjoy reading about bowel movements, check out my friend Jean’s blog, which is the link on the right that is in Spanish). Surprisingly, after all these years, no one has come up with Matzah with Fiber or anything of the sort. There have Egg Matzah, Egg White Matzah, Salted Matzah, Onion Matzah, Poppysead Matzah (to name a few), but no Pooper Matzah. You would think, for a country that created the best airplane security system to solve the chronic problem of terror attacks against Israel, Israeli scientists would be able to create a Matzah to combat the other chronic problem that Jews face regularly.
I refer you to the following link, to read about the issue in a much more well written essay than I choose to write: The Unspoken Passover Blues.
ok. yeah…i was really excited when i read this post, even before i made an appearance. i actually haven’t written about pooping on my blog yet, but it’s coming soon. i’m sorry you’re backed up…not surprisingly, a wave of diarrhea (spelling? i can’t believe i’m asking you) is sweeping over our group and i’m the latest to fall victim.
and because i’m such a good friend, i’m going to let you in on a little trick that will have you shitting in no time flat: cigarettes and coffee! you’re welcome! 🙂
ps. you are lame for moderating your comments!
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